Dr. Robin Gurwitch: Parental stress
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Stress among parents has become a “serious public health concern,” according to a recent report from the U.S. surgeon general.
On September 12, 2024, SciLine interviewed: Dr. Robin Gurwitch, a psychologist and professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center. See the footage and transcript from the interview below, or select ‘Contents’ on the left to skip to specific questions.
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Introduction
[0:00:19]
ROBIN GURWITCH: My name is Robin Gurwitch. I am a psychologist and a professor at Duke University Medical Center, and I spend much of my time looking at two major areas. One is the impact of disaster, mass violence, and traumatic events on children, families, and communities, and how to enhance resilience and healing. And then I spend my other half of my professional life really looking at parenting and issues of parenting, how to help children do better—particularly very young children—and how to improve relationships with children across every setting with any adults.
Interview with SciLine
What did you think of the Surgeon General’s recent report calling parental stress a “serious public health concern”?
[0:01:11]
ROBIN GURWITCH: If I could have stood up on a chair and applauded, I would have. The Surgeon General’s report on parenting stress was incredibly timely and important. I do think that stress is impacting families across the country more so than ever before, and it is impacting our children as well. Our children are also being impacted by stress, and it’s not a one way street. So, when parents are feeling more stress, children do, and when children are feeling more stress than their parents do as well. So, I think his report is quite timely. Coming out of COVID, we’re seeing more and more lingering stressors related to that.
What does research tell us about the prevalence and severity of parental stress?
[0:02:01]
ROBIN GURWITCH: Parental stress seems to be at an all-time high. A recent report from the American Psychological Association on a study of stress in America reported that almost half, almost 50%, of parents are saying that their stress is so overwhelming right now, compared to just a little over 25% of other adults. So, we know that this is taking a toll on parents, and when they are stressed, they can’t be at their best at home, at work, or in relationships.
What are some common causes of parental stress?
[0:02:44]
ROBIN GURWITCH: When we think about common causes of parental stress, I wish I could tell you, there’s only one, and if you can take care of this stress, you’ll be okay. They seem to build on each other, and so we have stresses related to parents, concerns about their children’s well-being—their health and safety. We are seeing concerns related to financial distress and worries. Food and housing insecurities continue for many, many families in the United States. We’re seeing an increase in concerns about social media and what impact social media is having on families. And then finally, we’re seeing parents saying they’re feeling more isolated and more alone as they try to navigate stress.
How does parents’ stress affect children? How does children’s stress impact parents?
[0:03:43]
ROBIN GURWITCH: When we think about parenting stress, children are wonderful detectors. They can pick up—even in infancy—they can pick up on the stress in their parents. So, when parents are feeling stressed and their children recognize it, what we often see is an increase in challenging behaviors in their children. In young children, it may take the form of more temper tantrums and meltdowns. As children get older, it may be more defiance. It may be more withdrawal. So, we do see parenting stress impacting children. We also see that when children are stressed and they are having some of these behavioral concerns, it is making life more stressful for their parents. So, it becomes a vicious cycle that as parents are feeling more stressed, their children are feeling more stressed than their parents are.
How can parents talk to their children about the recent school shooting in Georgia?
[0:04:50]
ROBIN GURWITCH: The recent shooting in Georgia underscored how concerning these events are for families. School shootings are probably one of the top worries of children across from the age span, from kindergarten all the way up, and it’s definitely concerned for parents that school safety and worry. So when these things happen, honestly, the first thing as parents, we need to take a breath. We need to make sure we’re doing okay. We have other adults that we can talk to, that we’ve got the information as much as we know at the time. And then we think about how to begin the conversation. Take a breath and start it. Because if we cannot talk about this and our children know about it, it must be so horrible that even my parents can’t tell me or talk to me, and it will reduce communication. So, take a breath and start with something as simple as, “There was a school shooting in Georgia. Tell me what you know about it.” That lets you know where they are starting from, any misinformation, anything that they got wrong that you can gently correct, but it gives you a starting point for the conversation because they are going to hear about it. They’ll hear about it from overhearing your conversations on the phone or from walking through or seeing something on television. It may be on social media. On the school bus. In the hallways. So, children know about it, and so checking in with them and checking in, how is this making you feel and validating those feelings. Don’t try and talk them out of it. Just accept those so, again, you know where they’re starting from. And then to talk through when you’re feeling distressed. How can we cope? When you’re upset, what can we do? So, this is not a beginning—a one and done. This is just the first step, and then we can continue to check. But honestly, I will tell you, if you can have the conversations when difficult things happen, you are setting up the idea that your children can come to you with anything. So, whether it’s bullying, whether it’s peer pressure, whether it’s just disappointments or worries, if you can talk about the hard stuff, then they can feel more comfortable talking to you about anything.
What can parents and caregivers do if they are feeling overwhelmed?
[0:07:31]
ROBIN GURWITCH: When parents are feeling overwhelmed by stress. I used to joke with a friend, you know, a hot shower and a cup of tea could make all the difference, but I became so waterlogged and floating in tea that I had to come up with other other coping strategies. If we learned anything from COVID, we learned how to cope with some challenges. So, think about what you used. Did you take a walk? Did you watch something funny on television? Did you listen to music, exercise, read for a little bit, draw? What was it that you learned to do when you were feeling stressed during the height of COVID? Can you use some of those same strategies now? And I would also include in those making connections. Who do you reach out to? Who do you talk to so that you don’t feel alone with your stress?
